New Country Wife - Birmingham Interchange

Act 2 Scene 4

Samantha has arrived at Marina's Chelsea apartment, to be told that the MD of Kitsch & Kinky has been held up. However, Marina has other business to discuss with Samantha, notably "rising price of peerage" as she explains.

Peter, "political adviser" of Ron and Alan, has met with Chancellor of Exchequer's office concerning "strategic investment in UK plc sufficient to obtain two peerage. Adviser has direct access to office following incident with oligarch and yacht in Corfu a few years ago. Chancellor's office told Peter that we would need to pay for Birmingham Interchange station on new high speed railway to have two peerage".

Marina is clearly not happy with this news, which is nevertheless of great interest to Samantha whose constituency lies on the route of the proposed HS2. Furthermore, the information provided suggests that the promoters intend to abandon the Birmingham city centre station in favour of a line which goes only as far as the airport interchange.

Like most MPS with constituencies along the proposed route, Samantha has serious doubts about the viability of the project, aside from its environmental impact which is a particular concerns for her voters, and she is not at all surprised that the Birmingham airport interchange is really what interests "London politics".

For all her cosmopolitanism, Samantha still very much thinks of herself as "The New Country Wife" and the thought of "our lovely countryside being torn up so people from London can catch a flight from Birmingham" angers her deeply. She therefore feels bound to agree that Marina is "being offered a very bad deal".....

To be continued

The New Country Wife - Samantha Shag MP

Act II Scene 3

Samantha Shag has just won a by-election to become the Lib-Dem MP for a suburb of Birmingham, and simultaneously shot to poll position in new website where punters vote for the sexiest member of parliament.

This success has brought unprecedented media coverage to the business which Samantha founded and is now non-executive chairman, Kitsch & Kinky. Until now very much a middle market enterprise, "The Sexy MP" site - created by members of the "Made in Chelsea" set - has made Kitsch & Kinky's new managing director determined to move the brand up-market.

A meeting in London is scheduled between the MD and Samantha, who has also been contacted by Sir Alan Shag's prospective new wife, Marina. It has occurred to Samantha that this Russian lady might make an excellent business partner, and has suggested they "do a threesome".

The House of Commons register of business interests has of course been informed of these developments, with the exception of Marina's possible involvement, and received full disclosure of Samantha's financial affairs. Indeed, she is sure that her reputation for probity will not go unrewarded.

Her only slight embarrassment is an elderly Conservative MP who was a regular client when Samantha was the doyenne of the Birmingham bondage scene during John Major's government. As a woman who likes to move on in the world, she naturally hopes that the old gentleman will be discreet, although Samantha has no intention of shackling anyone who wishes to pry....

To be continued....

INTRODUCING SOME COALITION COMEDY

As the British Coalition Government is turning into a rather too serious affair, Janet and Rocco have decided to celebrate this political relationship with some coalition comedy.

The New County Wife - Singular Political Woman

Act II Scene I

It is now some 18 months since we left "The New Country Wife", Samantha Shag, and her plotting husband Sir Alan. In this time, much water, as they say, has passed under the bridge.

Sir Alan has failed in his attempt to implicate Samantha in an affair with her riding instructor, and it is she who has divorced him. He is now rumoured to be wedding the former wife of a Russian oligarch subject to "satisfactory pre-nuptial agreement". His energy and resources joint venture with Sir Ron Fastmoney is still on the cards, as is a possible peerage for both of them.

Samantha has also decided to enter the political arena. The sex industry, in which she occupies a thoroughly respectable position, has been doing very well, and Samantha feels that as a successful business woman she now has much to offer public life.

However, whilst the "allure of azure" last year turned Samantha's head in the direction of David Cameron's Conservatives, her well-developed political instincts have now secured her the position of Liberal Democrat parliamentary candidate in a by-election following the resignation of the existing incumbent after a series of sex scandals.

The constituency, in a suburb of Birmingham, is ideally suited to Samantha's professional demographic as a key part of her business involves the provision of what she describes as "naughties" for women to buy at home-based parties. Indeed, this loyal clientele has provided an excellent campaign team.

Although some former members of the Social Democrats have re-joined the Labour Party as a consequence of Samantha's selection, she is, nevertheless, confident of victory in the forthcoming by-election. She regards herself as a "true liberal", and as someone who can restore the brightness of the Lib Dem's star, currently somewhat dimmed by Coalition politics.

Samantha's only regret at the present time is that she, along with children Zara and Harry, did not receive an invitation to the recent British Royal Wedding. The event has, however, set this singular political woman wondering whether re-entry to the married ranks might be good for her future ministerial career.