PHILIP DODD'S BOOB CREATES WAVES

Interviewing Pamela Stephenson-Connolly - daughter from downunder, former Not The Nine O'clock News presenter, wife of Billy, psychotherapist, Strictly Come Dancing contestant, writer and generally formidable femme - it emerged that BBC Radio 3 Night Waves present Philip Dodd had apparently greeted her as Pamela Anderson.

The subject in question was sex, and Pamela Stephenson-Connolly's new book on this. I'm sure that Dr Freud, perhaps observing the sometimes tense exchange in his therapeutic Elysium, would have enjoyed a laugh.

Incidentally, we are creating a new "Cultural Cockatoo" column to celebrate the literary, artistic and other achievements of creative Australiennes, as well as Kiwi Birds.

CULTURAL COCKATOO - OUT OF AUSTRALIA

Not usually having much truck for cultural bureaucrats, we nevertheless found ourselves pitying the poor curator of the British Museum's "Out of Australia" Exhibition, which yesterday received a screeching attack from the Sheila-Devil From Downunder on BBC Radio 4's Front Row arts programme. Yes, Cultural Cockatoo Germaine Greer laid into the forthcoming show of drawings and water colours, together with the accompanying display of of Australia foliage - sponsored by Rio Tinto - with a beak determined to draw blood.

A New Cosmopolitan Agenda...

A recent visit to Cheltenham has prompted us to reflect on the meaning of "cosmopolitan" in contemporary politics and society, and, indeed, for modern English satire, given the association of Georgian England with Rococo Satire, and Cheltenham, in particular, with the lighter (and liter ?) satirical writings of the so-called "Water Poets", who drew their inspiration from those places where people went to "Take the Waters".

Our Mini-Guideto Cheltenham (Obtained from the helpful Tourist Information Office) describes the town as "cosmopolitan", but what does this mean : urbane architecture and planning, handsome gardens, cafe society, famous literary festival, horse-racing ? For us "cosmopolitan" is a state of being, but does Cheltenham possess this, or just its outward accessories as a sort of living manifestation of some, ultimately rather shallow, contemporary "Style" magazine.

In the absence of any real or meaningful definition (or bench-mark, to use the current jargon) for defining "cosmopolitanism", we are, therefore, going to propose a few indicators, as follows :

• Serial Re-Marriage and the creation of multiple households are not considered "De Rigeur". A discreet lover or two of the opposite or same sex are quite acceptable, but no more. Too many children are also to be discouraged.


• Naked flesh (bosom, belly, buttock etc) should not be excessively on view in public places, and particularly if not aesthetically well-proportioned. Beer guts may be just about acceptable on middle aged men, but not on young ladies.


• The general populace do not bore their fellow wo/men with accounts of their personal lives in the workplace and public realm, thus disrupting professional and civic discourse, but keep these for private occasions.

Party Animals

I watched the the first episode of "Party Animals" (from the makers of "This Life") the other day. If this is what life behind the scenes in Parliament today is really like, then the sooner we have an English "House" in Birmingham the better. The characters seem to consist mainly of Randy Tories (including a couple of toffs) and Nasty New Labour types. Even the central characters - two bright young things and one nerdy type, who played their parts very well - were too cliched to be really interesting. Things might get better of course, but I shan't be waiting around to find out. No wonder one poor fellow unintentionally topped himself (Live Fast Die Young and All That) in the first episode ! All a bit too "Casualty" for me. Yes, the production had something of that same slick quality, but I want real politics and drama, not a sort of soap. Bring back "Our Friends from the North" I say (which was much better than "This Life" anyway) !