PHILIP DODD'S BOOB CREATES WAVES

Interviewing Pamela Stephenson-Connolly - daughter from downunder, former Not The Nine O'clock News presenter, wife of Billy, psychotherapist, Strictly Come Dancing contestant, writer and generally formidable femme - it emerged that BBC Radio 3 Night Waves present Philip Dodd had apparently greeted her as Pamela Anderson.

The subject in question was sex, and Pamela Stephenson-Connolly's new book on this. I'm sure that Dr Freud, perhaps observing the sometimes tense exchange in his therapeutic Elysium, would have enjoyed a laugh.

Incidentally, we are creating a new "Cultural Cockatoo" column to celebrate the literary, artistic and other achievements of creative Australiennes, as well as Kiwi Birds.

New Country Wife - Birmingham Interchange

Act 2 Scene 4

Samantha has arrived at Marina's Chelsea apartment, to be told that the MD of Kitsch & Kinky has been held up. However, Marina has other business to discuss with Samantha, notably "rising price of peerage" as she explains.

Peter, "political adviser" of Ron and Alan, has met with Chancellor of Exchequer's office concerning "strategic investment in UK plc sufficient to obtain two peerage. Adviser has direct access to office following incident with oligarch and yacht in Corfu a few years ago. Chancellor's office told Peter that we would need to pay for Birmingham Interchange station on new high speed railway to have two peerage".

Marina is clearly not happy with this news, which is nevertheless of great interest to Samantha whose constituency lies on the route of the proposed HS2. Furthermore, the information provided suggests that the promoters intend to abandon the Birmingham city centre station in favour of a line which goes only as far as the airport interchange.

Like most MPS with constituencies along the proposed route, Samantha has serious doubts about the viability of the project, aside from its environmental impact which is a particular concerns for her voters, and she is not at all surprised that the Birmingham airport interchange is really what interests "London politics".

For all her cosmopolitanism, Samantha still very much thinks of herself as "The New Country Wife" and the thought of "our lovely countryside being torn up so people from London can catch a flight from Birmingham" angers her deeply. She therefore feels bound to agree that Marina is "being offered a very bad deal".....

To be continued

The New Country Wife - Samantha Shag MP

Act II Scene 3

Samantha Shag has just won a by-election to become the Lib-Dem MP for a suburb of Birmingham, and simultaneously shot to poll position in new website where punters vote for the sexiest member of parliament.

This success has brought unprecedented media coverage to the business which Samantha founded and is now non-executive chairman, Kitsch & Kinky. Until now very much a middle market enterprise, "The Sexy MP" site - created by members of the "Made in Chelsea" set - has made Kitsch & Kinky's new managing director determined to move the brand up-market.

A meeting in London is scheduled between the MD and Samantha, who has also been contacted by Sir Alan Shag's prospective new wife, Marina. It has occurred to Samantha that this Russian lady might make an excellent business partner, and has suggested they "do a threesome".

The House of Commons register of business interests has of course been informed of these developments, with the exception of Marina's possible involvement, and received full disclosure of Samantha's financial affairs. Indeed, she is sure that her reputation for probity will not go unrewarded.

Her only slight embarrassment is an elderly Conservative MP who was a regular client when Samantha was the doyenne of the Birmingham bondage scene during John Major's government. As a woman who likes to move on in the world, she naturally hopes that the old gentleman will be discreet, although Samantha has no intention of shackling anyone who wishes to pry....

To be continued....