Politicat
"Politicat" is a new political column for all those with feline leanings, and we start with this little pussycat from GQ online..
"A Cheeky Chappy :
One of the most surprising couplings of this year was between Liberal Democrat MP Lempit Opik and Cheeky Girl Gabriela Irimia. Opik, who had previously been engaged to weather girl Sian Lloyd, took Gabriela to London's Science Museum for their first date. The Transylvanian singer hit back at remarks made by Lloyd, saying: "Our relationship is really genuine and it's not out of a pantomime or anything like that." Whether genuine or not, Lembit was criticised by some quarters for intervening in his girlfriend's deportation case, after Gabriela was denied further leave to stay in Britain. Can this relationship last long-distance? We'll find out in 2007"
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Monday, September 25, 2006
"I'm All Right John" - A Sequel to The Court of the Red Tar, inspired by the classic British Comedy "I'm All Right Jack".
It will be recalled that "The Court of the Red Tsar" last encountered its heroes and heroines on board the Battleship Prescottin, and that news is awaited from the "listening devices" installed by the security services (or secret police) at Stonehenge.
However, at this point there occurs a strange cosmic event, and Britain is mysteriously plunged back into the middle part of the 20th century. This is not without problems : all modern IT infrastructure disappears, so there is no blogging. Nevertheless, there are many benefits. Opportunities for political spin are much reduced, and real policies are a necessity once more.
Whilst there is no motorway network, rail and public transport services are remarkably good.
By present day standards. many British cities, and notably Birmingham, look much better.
There are also fewer people.
The lives of our earlier heroes and heroines are also much transformed. Brownin is a minister of the Scottish Church. Prescottin is chief steward on board a British merchant ship. Livingstonsky is keeper of the reptile house at London zoo. Comrade Terry is a Liverpool docker. Madame Kellyrova is a hospital matron, and Madame Cooperova a primary school teacher. The rebel leader, Cameronovitch, is a country squire; and, the head of the security services is chief constable of the Metropolitan police. Will their paths cross again : that is indeed the question...
And the answer is "yes" ! The only exceptions to this are Brownin (Gordon Brown - no relationship to the present Chancellor of the Execheque), Livinstonsky (now Ken Livingstone - no relation to the current Mayor of London), and the Chief Constable of the Metropolitan Police.
However, we will meet them again.
I'm All Right John
Prescottin (now John Prescott - no relation to the present Deputy Prime Minister) has retired from seafaring and is chief shop steward in a food processing factory. His deputy, Comrade Terry ( ..) has moved from Liverpool to Hull, where the action mainly takes place. John prescott is married to Madame Kellyrova (now Mrs Ruth Prescott, who is a housewife) and Madam Cooperova is their daughter (Yvette Prescott). David Camerson (no relation to the present leader of the Conservative Party) is a management trainee at the factory where Prescott works, and lodges with the Prescotts - where he takes a fancy to Yvette - in order to obtain a better understanding of the British working man and his equally hard-wroking family.
Incidentally, a very good synopsis of "I'm All Right Jack" can be found on the British Film Institute website
To be continued.
It will be recalled that "The Court of the Red Tsar" last encountered its heroes and heroines on board the Battleship Prescottin, and that news is awaited from the "listening devices" installed by the security services (or secret police) at Stonehenge.
However, at this point there occurs a strange cosmic event, and Britain is mysteriously plunged back into the middle part of the 20th century. This is not without problems : all modern IT infrastructure disappears, so there is no blogging. Nevertheless, there are many benefits. Opportunities for political spin are much reduced, and real policies are a necessity once more.
Whilst there is no motorway network, rail and public transport services are remarkably good.
By present day standards. many British cities, and notably Birmingham, look much better.
There are also fewer people.
The lives of our earlier heroes and heroines are also much transformed. Brownin is a minister of the Scottish Church. Prescottin is chief steward on board a British merchant ship. Livingstonsky is keeper of the reptile house at London zoo. Comrade Terry is a Liverpool docker. Madame Kellyrova is a hospital matron, and Madame Cooperova a primary school teacher. The rebel leader, Cameronovitch, is a country squire; and, the head of the security services is chief constable of the Metropolitan police. Will their paths cross again : that is indeed the question...
And the answer is "yes" ! The only exceptions to this are Brownin (Gordon Brown - no relationship to the present Chancellor of the Execheque), Livinstonsky (now Ken Livingstone - no relation to the current Mayor of London), and the Chief Constable of the Metropolitan Police.
However, we will meet them again.
I'm All Right John
Prescottin (now John Prescott - no relation to the present Deputy Prime Minister) has retired from seafaring and is chief shop steward in a food processing factory. His deputy, Comrade Terry ( ..) has moved from Liverpool to Hull, where the action mainly takes place. John prescott is married to Madame Kellyrova (now Mrs Ruth Prescott, who is a housewife) and Madam Cooperova is their daughter (Yvette Prescott). David Camerson (no relation to the present leader of the Conservative Party) is a management trainee at the factory where Prescott works, and lodges with the Prescotts - where he takes a fancy to Yvette - in order to obtain a better understanding of the British working man and his equally hard-wroking family.
Incidentally, a very good synopsis of "I'm All Right Jack" can be found on the British Film Institute website
To be continued.
Monday, June 05, 2006
The Court of the Red Tar * **(or Carry On Stalinova)
* as in Sailor **inspired by The Court of the Red Tsar
This is the synopsis for a play set in the future, but based upon current events. The writer takes no responsibility whatever for any resemblence of the characters to real people, past or present.
Main Characters
Comrade Prescottin ("The Red Tar")
Comrade Livingstonsky
Madame Kellyrova
Madame Cooperova
Chairman Terry Mao
The New Red Tsar and Tsarina
The drama takes place in 3 acts :
Act 1 The Suburban Revolutionary Council
Act 2 Revenge of the New Bolshevik Matrons
Act 3 The Coming of the New Red Tsar/ina
Synopsis
Act 1. The "Red Tar", Comrade Prescottin, has been president of the United Kingdom for some years, with Comrade Livingstonsky in the position of prime minister. This came about following the impeachment of Comrade Blairovich for unconstitutional actions, and general agreement that Comrade Brownin was, quite simply, insufficiently red. However, Brownin is still chancellor of the exchequer, and plays no role whatsoever in the drama which follows, except insofar as his policies enabled Russia, and to a lesser extent China, to aquire effective control of the UK. The country is now ruled by "The Suburban Revolutionary Council" rather than cabinet government. The main function of this council is to facilitate the construction of as many houses as possible to underpin the UK's role as "The World's Number One Global Suburb".
This "Suburban Revolution" began some years earlier under "The Communities Plan", conceived when Prescottin was Deputy Prime Minister. At first, Livingstonsky, then Mayor of London, had been skeptical of The Communities Plan, seeing it as good old fashioned new towns policy which had been to linked under previous socialist regimes to de-centralisation from the old conurbations, such as London. However, assisted by the intellectual Madam Cooperova - who had once worked for President Bill Clinton - Prescottin convinced Livingstonsky that The Plan meant the expansion of these old conurbations into the bourgeois counties, as new garden cities etc of the kind envisaged by Comrade Marx.
Eventually, the "suburban revolution" led to the creation of two enormous conurbations. In the north of England, Prescottgrad had grown from the city formerly called Hull to cover most of the ancient kingdom of Northumbria. In the South, Livingstongrad - once known as London - occupied most of what had been Wessex, as well as areas of Middle England or Mercia. However, a third, and largely unplanned, mega-conurbation had also been constructed called Tescograd. This had recently declared itself to be an independent republic. Moreover, it is involved in a territorial dispute with Livingstongrad. This "conflict zone" is a matter of some concern for The Suburban Revolutionary Council.
Act 2. Unbeknown to Prescottin and Livingstonsky, the new Bolshevik Matrons, Madames Kellyova and Cooperova, have "done a deal" with Chairman Terry Mao of Tescograd, which they hope will enable them to provoke a leadership contest in The Suburban Revolutionary Council. Madame Kellyova has ambitions to be President and to restore the Pope as head of the Church of England (the estranged husband of the Culture Minister, Comrade Millsovin, might also be helpful here). This would leave the role of Prime Minister open for Madame Cooperova.
The new Bolshevik Matrons hope that Prescottin's recent indiscretions with his diary secretary, and participation in the bourgeois game of croquet during working hours at the grand dacha of Dornywood, will enable them to win other Suburban Revolutionary Council members over to their way of thinking.
The Bolshevik Matrons make an unplanned visit to Tescograd, the centre of which was formerly Worcester. Chairman Terry Mao had forseen the opportunity this provincial city offered when the New (then Labour) Bolshevik MP constructed a swimming pool in his garden without planning permission, although this was granted retroactively. Some years later, the company then known was Tesco embarked upon a programme of unprecedented, and unplanned, supermarket development throughout the area once called The Midlands : Tescograd. Chairman Terry (he was generally known by his first name) was delighted to recieve a visit from Madames Kellyova and Cooperova.
Chairman Terry, in turn, harboured secret plans to rest control of Livingstongrad; although he would be quite happy for Madame Cooperova to be his second-in-command. Personally, he quite liked Comrade Prescottin, but he had always been deeply suspicious of Comrade Livingstonsky, who he believed still harboured co-operative socialist tendencies. Moreover, "Red Ken" was the power behind Prescottin : the two would stand or fall together. He chuckled to himself as he remembered something he had read in Red Ken's book "If voting changed anything, they'd abolish it". How true, he thought ! He also remembered a reference to The Godfather in this book - when Red Ken despatched a political rival - the line went something like : "Personally I liked the man, but business is business". Exactly, thought Chairman Terry, business is business and Prescottin would have to go.....
Act 3 : Meanwhile, Livingstonsky awoke from a bad dream. His home had been raided by 250 armed policemen. Was this an MI5 of a KGB Plot (something to do with the rebel leader David Cameronovich perhaps) ? He was led away and taken to County Hall in Milton Keynes. The London County Council had been revived as the Capital expanded into the surrounding counties, a process that escalated after the flooding of the Thames Gateway (when Livingstonsky temporarily acquired the nickname King Kenute). With the development of Livingstongrad, of which Milton Keyne was administrative centre, County Hall was kept as a quaint reminder of the past. But why was he being taken there now ? Something to do with Chairman Terry : Milton Keynes was also a disputed territory with Tescograd ? The shadowy figure that greeted him recalled a scene from Livingstonsky's favourite film, The Godfather. But this was more like a scene from Hanibal. As Ken's soul departed from his body (the result of a fatal wounding), his corpse was suspended outside County Hall, after the fashion of the Medici Renaissance princes. Fortunately the body was only that of a double, although Livingstonsky wasn't sure where his soul had gone. Perhaps like Livingstongrad, he was souless.
Meanwhile, in the North West of England, the Red Tsars football team was practicing for a forthcoming match. The team had once been called "Manchester United", but their Russian owner, who had bought the club from an Amercian outfit, preferred the name Red Tsars. Besides, Manchester no longer existed. After Liverpool had also succumbed to flooding, a "new town" had been built called Manlivostock. Although they were still extremely well paid, there was considerable discontent amongst the footballers, and even more amongst their wives. Those with family connections in the North West were aggrieved that some kind of Yorkshireman (Comrade Prescottin) was apparently running the country, along with the slimey ex-Londoner "Red Ken" (rumour had it that Ken had received some kind of gene therapy in Moscow, and had been given the DNA of a reptile enabling him to regenerate organs, limbs and other bodily appendages in the event of any assasination attempt). In short, David Beckamovsky and hs wife Victoria, were determined that they should replace Prescottin and Livingstonsky to become the New Red Tsar and Tsarina.
Meanwhile, on board the Battleship Prescottin (named after the Battleship Potemkin) everyone was extremely well fed, courtesy of Tescograd. The cruiseliner Paulinova the Great was moored beside the Battleship and the Good and the Great (as well as the Bad and the Bonkers) were being entertained in style. Prescottin is aware of various moves to topple him, but he has his own succession plan and exit strategy (to a fine dacha on the Crimea - one of Comrade Stalin's favourites) in place. The identity of the New Red Tsar and Tsarina will be revealed soon. However, Prescottin has just received a phone call from his Chief of Secret Police, Ianoff Blairovich, in Livingstonegrad, where, based on intellligence from "listening stones" (of the kind pilotted in a Moscow Park by British agents), at Stonehenge....draft to be continued
* as in Sailor **inspired by The Court of the Red Tsar
This is the synopsis for a play set in the future, but based upon current events. The writer takes no responsibility whatever for any resemblence of the characters to real people, past or present.
Main Characters
Comrade Prescottin ("The Red Tar")
Comrade Livingstonsky
Madame Kellyrova
Madame Cooperova
Chairman Terry Mao
The New Red Tsar and Tsarina
The drama takes place in 3 acts :
Act 1 The Suburban Revolutionary Council
Act 2 Revenge of the New Bolshevik Matrons
Act 3 The Coming of the New Red Tsar/ina
Synopsis
Act 1. The "Red Tar", Comrade Prescottin, has been president of the United Kingdom for some years, with Comrade Livingstonsky in the position of prime minister. This came about following the impeachment of Comrade Blairovich for unconstitutional actions, and general agreement that Comrade Brownin was, quite simply, insufficiently red. However, Brownin is still chancellor of the exchequer, and plays no role whatsoever in the drama which follows, except insofar as his policies enabled Russia, and to a lesser extent China, to aquire effective control of the UK. The country is now ruled by "The Suburban Revolutionary Council" rather than cabinet government. The main function of this council is to facilitate the construction of as many houses as possible to underpin the UK's role as "The World's Number One Global Suburb".
This "Suburban Revolution" began some years earlier under "The Communities Plan", conceived when Prescottin was Deputy Prime Minister. At first, Livingstonsky, then Mayor of London, had been skeptical of The Communities Plan, seeing it as good old fashioned new towns policy which had been to linked under previous socialist regimes to de-centralisation from the old conurbations, such as London. However, assisted by the intellectual Madam Cooperova - who had once worked for President Bill Clinton - Prescottin convinced Livingstonsky that The Plan meant the expansion of these old conurbations into the bourgeois counties, as new garden cities etc of the kind envisaged by Comrade Marx.
Eventually, the "suburban revolution" led to the creation of two enormous conurbations. In the north of England, Prescottgrad had grown from the city formerly called Hull to cover most of the ancient kingdom of Northumbria. In the South, Livingstongrad - once known as London - occupied most of what had been Wessex, as well as areas of Middle England or Mercia. However, a third, and largely unplanned, mega-conurbation had also been constructed called Tescograd. This had recently declared itself to be an independent republic. Moreover, it is involved in a territorial dispute with Livingstongrad. This "conflict zone" is a matter of some concern for The Suburban Revolutionary Council.
Act 2. Unbeknown to Prescottin and Livingstonsky, the new Bolshevik Matrons, Madames Kellyova and Cooperova, have "done a deal" with Chairman Terry Mao of Tescograd, which they hope will enable them to provoke a leadership contest in The Suburban Revolutionary Council. Madame Kellyova has ambitions to be President and to restore the Pope as head of the Church of England (the estranged husband of the Culture Minister, Comrade Millsovin, might also be helpful here). This would leave the role of Prime Minister open for Madame Cooperova.
The new Bolshevik Matrons hope that Prescottin's recent indiscretions with his diary secretary, and participation in the bourgeois game of croquet during working hours at the grand dacha of Dornywood, will enable them to win other Suburban Revolutionary Council members over to their way of thinking.
The Bolshevik Matrons make an unplanned visit to Tescograd, the centre of which was formerly Worcester. Chairman Terry Mao had forseen the opportunity this provincial city offered when the New (then Labour) Bolshevik MP constructed a swimming pool in his garden without planning permission, although this was granted retroactively. Some years later, the company then known was Tesco embarked upon a programme of unprecedented, and unplanned, supermarket development throughout the area once called The Midlands : Tescograd. Chairman Terry (he was generally known by his first name) was delighted to recieve a visit from Madames Kellyova and Cooperova.
Chairman Terry, in turn, harboured secret plans to rest control of Livingstongrad; although he would be quite happy for Madame Cooperova to be his second-in-command. Personally, he quite liked Comrade Prescottin, but he had always been deeply suspicious of Comrade Livingstonsky, who he believed still harboured co-operative socialist tendencies. Moreover, "Red Ken" was the power behind Prescottin : the two would stand or fall together. He chuckled to himself as he remembered something he had read in Red Ken's book "If voting changed anything, they'd abolish it". How true, he thought ! He also remembered a reference to The Godfather in this book - when Red Ken despatched a political rival - the line went something like : "Personally I liked the man, but business is business". Exactly, thought Chairman Terry, business is business and Prescottin would have to go.....
Act 3 : Meanwhile, Livingstonsky awoke from a bad dream. His home had been raided by 250 armed policemen. Was this an MI5 of a KGB Plot (something to do with the rebel leader David Cameronovich perhaps) ? He was led away and taken to County Hall in Milton Keynes. The London County Council had been revived as the Capital expanded into the surrounding counties, a process that escalated after the flooding of the Thames Gateway (when Livingstonsky temporarily acquired the nickname King Kenute). With the development of Livingstongrad, of which Milton Keyne was administrative centre, County Hall was kept as a quaint reminder of the past. But why was he being taken there now ? Something to do with Chairman Terry : Milton Keynes was also a disputed territory with Tescograd ? The shadowy figure that greeted him recalled a scene from Livingstonsky's favourite film, The Godfather. But this was more like a scene from Hanibal. As Ken's soul departed from his body (the result of a fatal wounding), his corpse was suspended outside County Hall, after the fashion of the Medici Renaissance princes. Fortunately the body was only that of a double, although Livingstonsky wasn't sure where his soul had gone. Perhaps like Livingstongrad, he was souless.
Meanwhile, in the North West of England, the Red Tsars football team was practicing for a forthcoming match. The team had once been called "Manchester United", but their Russian owner, who had bought the club from an Amercian outfit, preferred the name Red Tsars. Besides, Manchester no longer existed. After Liverpool had also succumbed to flooding, a "new town" had been built called Manlivostock. Although they were still extremely well paid, there was considerable discontent amongst the footballers, and even more amongst their wives. Those with family connections in the North West were aggrieved that some kind of Yorkshireman (Comrade Prescottin) was apparently running the country, along with the slimey ex-Londoner "Red Ken" (rumour had it that Ken had received some kind of gene therapy in Moscow, and had been given the DNA of a reptile enabling him to regenerate organs, limbs and other bodily appendages in the event of any assasination attempt). In short, David Beckamovsky and hs wife Victoria, were determined that they should replace Prescottin and Livingstonsky to become the New Red Tsar and Tsarina.
Meanwhile, on board the Battleship Prescottin (named after the Battleship Potemkin) everyone was extremely well fed, courtesy of Tescograd. The cruiseliner Paulinova the Great was moored beside the Battleship and the Good and the Great (as well as the Bad and the Bonkers) were being entertained in style. Prescottin is aware of various moves to topple him, but he has his own succession plan and exit strategy (to a fine dacha on the Crimea - one of Comrade Stalin's favourites) in place. The identity of the New Red Tsar and Tsarina will be revealed soon. However, Prescottin has just received a phone call from his Chief of Secret Police, Ianoff Blairovich, in Livingstonegrad, where, based on intellligence from "listening stones" (of the kind pilotted in a Moscow Park by British agents), at Stonehenge....draft to be continued
Friday, May 26, 2006
Janet Rocco : Catyre, Catomancy & Channelling
janetrocco is the blog of "Janet" (human female) and "Rocco" (male feline). Although Janet is really the "channel" for Rocco's thoughts on a range of subjects, as well as his creative ideas, this blog uses the term "we". Thus we cover :
Rocco is a middle aged tomcat of medium size. He is generally regarded as rather fine. His "friends" are Toby (a black male, with spikey fur) and Felix (the neighbourhood busy-body). They enjoy fighting and waking the neighbourhood with their "primal screams".
Ozzimandius, in his previous incarnations, was the ruler of an ancient middle eastern kingdom, and then - as Cardinal de Rocco - a senior cleric in the Church of Rome. He then transmogrified into the occultist, Madame Blatkatsky. He is now Rocco's spirit guide.
We should mention how this came about. Ozman's "channel" of first choice was Humphrey, the onetime "Downing Street Cat", whom he thought might be a vehicle for contacting Cherie Booth-Blair. However, with Humphrey's expulsion from No 10, another "political animal" was sought.
This just about brings us up to date, and ready to to begin our first online Catyre....
janetrocco is the blog of "Janet" (human female) and "Rocco" (male feline). Although Janet is really the "channel" for Rocco's thoughts on a range of subjects, as well as his creative ideas, this blog uses the term "we". Thus we cover :
- "catyre" (witty, even catty, and occasionally satiric observations on contemporary life)
- "Catomancy" (feline magic arts, including transmogrification)
- "channelling" (Rocco himself has a spirit guide called Ozzimandius - Ozman to friends)
Rocco is a middle aged tomcat of medium size. He is generally regarded as rather fine. His "friends" are Toby (a black male, with spikey fur) and Felix (the neighbourhood busy-body). They enjoy fighting and waking the neighbourhood with their "primal screams".
Ozzimandius, in his previous incarnations, was the ruler of an ancient middle eastern kingdom, and then - as Cardinal de Rocco - a senior cleric in the Church of Rome. He then transmogrified into the occultist, Madame Blatkatsky. He is now Rocco's spirit guide.
We should mention how this came about. Ozman's "channel" of first choice was Humphrey, the onetime "Downing Street Cat", whom he thought might be a vehicle for contacting Cherie Booth-Blair. However, with Humphrey's expulsion from No 10, another "political animal" was sought.
This just about brings us up to date, and ready to to begin our first online Catyre....
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