Cultural Reference & Literary Allusion in Satire

The cultural credentials of Janet and Rocco are considerable. In a previous incarnation Rocco headed "Catte Hall", an institution once attached to an august English university. We jest not, this home of learning really did exist, and subsequently became part of the same college which Janet attended in a much later age to pursue literary studies.

We mention this because it has become apparent that others may not be able to access the same wealth of cultural reference and literary allusion as ourselves. It may be necessary, therefore, to explain the classical references implicit in our previous post.

The Temple of Droitwich alludes to Delphi in ancient Greece, whose oracle was famed throughout the then civilised world. The Sibyls were Greek prophetesses who sought guidance from chthonic spirits dwelling within the earth, as distinct from those lofty Olympian deities who communicate with British politicians, and particularly London's Mayors.

Sibyl of Suburbia - The Oracle of Droitwich

Inspired by "The Temple of Droitwich", or the spa town's unique saltwater lido (shown above), Janet and Rocco have decided to embark upon a new story whose working title is "The Sibyl of Suburbia".

The prophetess in question draws upon chthonic spirits inhabiting Droitwich's briny underworld and provides auguries linked to global consumer spending and the retail sector, having already established contacts in China where fortune-telling is more culturally acceptable.

Whilst Janet is the scribe of this new narrative, Rocco - the cat oracle - will provide expert advice on the arts of augury from ancient times to the present day, including economic forecasting which, as J K Galbraith once said, "exists to make astrology look respectable".

BEYOND SATIRE (AND BURLESQUE) - From this week's Parliamentary Written Answers

Charlie Elphicke: To ask the Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government on what date the decision was taken by his Department to authorise public expenditure on an away day at the Brickhouse burlesque club; how much was spent on the away day and on which contractors and firms; what form the teambuilding event took; and what steps have been taken to reduce expenditure on away days. [59209]

Robert Neill: This away day event was authorised by the Department in February 2010, before the coalition Government took office. The booking was made under the last Administration, while the cost of the event was debited via the Government Procurement Card in May 2010.

Poisson Rouge, an events management company, were contracted to provide the venue and the event. The total cost of the event was £4,719.21 which comprised £3,417.71 of payments made to Poisson Rouge and £1,301.50 to the venue, the Brickhouse.

The event involved hire of a room during the day at the venue, for a review of work in internal audit. While I am informed the Brickhouse often features such figures as ‘burlesque chanteuse Lady Beau Peep’ and ‘showgirl sensation Amber Topaz’, the event in this instance did not involve civil servants watching, or indeed, performing cabaret or other eclectic entertainment.

No alcohol was consumed at the event. The purpose of the staff event was to review work carried out for 2009-10, identify areas for improvement, agree changes for the forthcoming year to improve service delivery and build the team. However, the final part of the day did involve a team building event involving drumming, organised by Poisson Rouge.

Notes
Mr Elphicke is Conservative MP for Dover and Deal. Mr Neill is a Minister in the Department for Communities and Local Government (or Pickles Department according to some reports)
The Brickhouse - http://www.thebrickhouse.co.uk/ - is a London cabaret club
Poisson Rouge - http://www.poissonrouge.co.uk/ - is an events and team building company, possibly related to New Labour

PHILIP DODD'S BOOB CREATES WAVES

Interviewing Pamela Stephenson-Connolly - daughter from downunder, former Not The Nine O'clock News presenter, wife of Billy, psychotherapist, Strictly Come Dancing contestant, writer and generally formidable femme - it emerged that BBC Radio 3 Night Waves present Philip Dodd had apparently greeted her as Pamela Anderson.

The subject in question was sex, and Pamela Stephenson-Connolly's new book on this. I'm sure that Dr Freud, perhaps observing the sometimes tense exchange in his therapeutic Elysium, would have enjoyed a laugh.

Incidentally, we are creating a new "Cultural Cockatoo" column to celebrate the literary, artistic and other achievements of creative Australiennes, as well as Kiwi Birds.

New Country Wife - Birmingham Interchange

Act 2 Scene 4

Samantha has arrived at Marina's Chelsea apartment, to be told that the MD of Kitsch & Kinky has been held up. However, Marina has other business to discuss with Samantha, notably "rising price of peerage" as she explains.

Peter, "political adviser" of Ron and Alan, has met with Chancellor of Exchequer's office concerning "strategic investment in UK plc sufficient to obtain two peerage. Adviser has direct access to office following incident with oligarch and yacht in Corfu a few years ago. Chancellor's office told Peter that we would need to pay for Birmingham Interchange station on new high speed railway to have two peerage".

Marina is clearly not happy with this news, which is nevertheless of great interest to Samantha whose constituency lies on the route of the proposed HS2. Furthermore, the information provided suggests that the promoters intend to abandon the Birmingham city centre station in favour of a line which goes only as far as the airport interchange.

Like most MPS with constituencies along the proposed route, Samantha has serious doubts about the viability of the project, aside from its environmental impact which is a particular concerns for her voters, and she is not at all surprised that the Birmingham airport interchange is really what interests "London politics".

For all her cosmopolitanism, Samantha still very much thinks of herself as "The New Country Wife" and the thought of "our lovely countryside being torn up so people from London can catch a flight from Birmingham" angers her deeply. She therefore feels bound to agree that Marina is "being offered a very bad deal".....

To be continued

The New Country Wife - Samantha Shag MP

Act II Scene 3

Samantha Shag has just won a by-election to become the Lib-Dem MP for a suburb of Birmingham, and simultaneously shot to poll position in new website where punters vote for the sexiest member of parliament.

This success has brought unprecedented media coverage to the business which Samantha founded and is now non-executive chairman, Kitsch & Kinky. Until now very much a middle market enterprise, "The Sexy MP" site - created by members of the "Made in Chelsea" set - has made Kitsch & Kinky's new managing director determined to move the brand up-market.

A meeting in London is scheduled between the MD and Samantha, who has also been contacted by Sir Alan Shag's prospective new wife, Marina. It has occurred to Samantha that this Russian lady might make an excellent business partner, and has suggested they "do a threesome".

The House of Commons register of business interests has of course been informed of these developments, with the exception of Marina's possible involvement, and received full disclosure of Samantha's financial affairs. Indeed, she is sure that her reputation for probity will not go unrewarded.

Her only slight embarrassment is an elderly Conservative MP who was a regular client when Samantha was the doyenne of the Birmingham bondage scene during John Major's government. As a woman who likes to move on in the world, she naturally hopes that the old gentleman will be discreet, although Samantha has no intention of shackling anyone who wishes to pry....

To be continued....

The New Country Wife - "Catherine the Great"

Act 2, Scene 2

Sir Alan has returned to "The Shag Pile" after a stay on Sir Ron Fastmoney's ocean-going yacht, "Catherine the Great".

Here, Sir Alan's relationship with Marina, the former wife of a Russian oligarch has progressed to discussion of "pre-nuptial agreement". Marina, a one time Olympic gymnast originally from Siberia, received "spectacular divorce settlement" from her previous husband after he left her for "recent winner of Ms Pole Dance World". A friend of Sir Ron's latest wife, Marina let it be known that she wanted to meet "older English country gentleman with title". Sir Ron responded that he "may have just the man for her" and arranged an introduction to Sir Alan Shag. The only sticking point was that of a title, Marina sought marriage to a peer.

As it happens, both Sir Alan and his friend are also in the market for a peerage, and Sir Ron believes that Marina's fortune may be sufficient to secure one for both of them.

Furthermore, our two knights of the realm believe they are on the brink of a deal which would make them significant players in the energy reserves of the Russian Arctic.

Both men feel that priority must be given to the marriage contract with Marina, "as formidable a business woman as Catherine the Great" according to Sir Ron; and Sir Alan has returned to Britain to seek counsel from a political adviser they call "Peter the Great". A preliminary telephone conversation with Peter has re-assured them that "cash is always king where a peerage is concerned", although Sir Alan's "switch from Conservative to New Labour to Cameron Conservative horse" is felt to be a disadvantage, "but not one which some strategic investment in UK plc might not overcome..."

To be continued.....

CULTURAL COCKATOO - OUT OF AUSTRALIA

Not usually having much truck for cultural bureaucrats, we nevertheless found ourselves pitying the poor curator of the British Museum's "Out of Australia" Exhibition, which yesterday received a screeching attack from the Sheila-Devil From Downunder on BBC Radio 4's Front Row arts programme. Yes, Cultural Cockatoo Germaine Greer laid into the forthcoming show of drawings and water colours, together with the accompanying display of of Australia foliage - sponsored by Rio Tinto - with a beak determined to draw blood.

INTRODUCING SOME COALITION COMEDY

As the British Coalition Government is turning into a rather too serious affair, Janet and Rocco have decided to celebrate this political relationship with some coalition comedy.

The New County Wife - Singular Political Woman

Act II Scene I

It is now some 18 months since we left "The New Country Wife", Samantha Shag, and her plotting husband Sir Alan. In this time, much water, as they say, has passed under the bridge.

Sir Alan has failed in his attempt to implicate Samantha in an affair with her riding instructor, and it is she who has divorced him. He is now rumoured to be wedding the former wife of a Russian oligarch subject to "satisfactory pre-nuptial agreement". His energy and resources joint venture with Sir Ron Fastmoney is still on the cards, as is a possible peerage for both of them.

Samantha has also decided to enter the political arena. The sex industry, in which she occupies a thoroughly respectable position, has been doing very well, and Samantha feels that as a successful business woman she now has much to offer public life.

However, whilst the "allure of azure" last year turned Samantha's head in the direction of David Cameron's Conservatives, her well-developed political instincts have now secured her the position of Liberal Democrat parliamentary candidate in a by-election following the resignation of the existing incumbent after a series of sex scandals.

The constituency, in a suburb of Birmingham, is ideally suited to Samantha's professional demographic as a key part of her business involves the provision of what she describes as "naughties" for women to buy at home-based parties. Indeed, this loyal clientele has provided an excellent campaign team.

Although some former members of the Social Democrats have re-joined the Labour Party as a consequence of Samantha's selection, she is, nevertheless, confident of victory in the forthcoming by-election. She regards herself as a "true liberal", and as someone who can restore the brightness of the Lib Dem's star, currently somewhat dimmed by Coalition politics.

Samantha's only regret at the present time is that she, along with children Zara and Harry, did not receive an invitation to the recent British Royal Wedding. The event has, however, set this singular political woman wondering whether re-entry to the married ranks might be good for her future ministerial career.

THE TAIL OF THE RUNAWAY HORSE

Some readers will be aware of a feline work in progress at Janet and Rocco's other blog - http://janetrocco.wordpress.com/ - entitled "Tails of Two Nations" - but today we turn our attention to a horse's tail.

The name of the equine in question is unknown, but the animal is famous, or infamous, following an over-hasty departure from outside Westminster Abbey after last week's British Royal Wedding. Discharging its Cavalry Guardsman rider, the horse defied attempts to catch it and raced back to Horse Guards Barracks, overtaking the carriage of the bride and groom together with their equestrian escort en route.

We observed at the time that, on occasions, this Royal "posse" did look like something out of a John Wayne film, but the BBC's coverage of the event seemed to have censored out the runaway animal, although we had detected a loose horse.

Interviewed later exclusively for our blog, however, a close friend of the equine, who wishes to remain anonymous, said it had early wind of a likely assault - codename Geronimo - by the United States cavalry on the hideout of a much-wanted outlaw in a distant part of the globe. The horse had, therefore, apparently decided that, as readiness for battle might be required, it would suspend all ceremonial work immediately and report for combat duty post haste.

In the light of this noble motivation, and notwithstanding that the animal's conduct was not entirely in accordance with military training and protocol, we would nevertheless request that the horse is forgiven any impropriety by the Royal Household.

Finally, perhaps consideration might be also be given to the horse receiving the honorary name Geronimo, in recognition of the prescience shown on this occasion.

May Day 2011 - Tribute To Three Great Empires

TRANSMOGRIFIED AGAIN - THIS SEASON'S IMAGE

Janet and Rocco feel that their satirical and other offerings this season may be more earthy in nature, and perhaps view subjects more clearly in black and white.

THE DIARIES OF A FOXY LADY....

...will follow shortly, but these will not be the journal of some new "Belle De Jour", and whilst there may be some spying on human animals this will pose no threat to national security. For the subject under scrutiny will be the planning system, admittedly sexed up from time to time....

RUSSIAN GOVERNMENT ORDERS COVER-UP

As Russian femme-fatale spy Anna Chapman (shown here) launches a new career as host of a television show called "Secrets", her country's government has ordered its women workers to cover-up. Low cut blouses and short-skirts must be replaced by more modest attire in a new code of conduct, which also covers standards of behaviour for government employees. It is unclear whether this applies to those engaged in espionage.