ON THE SECOND DAY OF CHRISTMAS....

Readers may remember that it is not long since we were lamenting the lack of potential satirical comedy in the UK Coalition Government. How premature this judgement was !

Enter Mike Hancock, Liberal Democrat MP for Portsmouth South, and a string of revelations that can only be described as an early Christmas present for the satirical observer.

So here's a little re-working of "A Partridge In A Pear Tree" in celebration of Mr Hancock's political indiscretions (a welcome distraction in these Oh So Worthy Times) :

On the second day of Christmas, my true love said to me
Two Russian blonds, and a Lib-Dem well over sixty....

Is Philip Hammond the New Prince of Darkness ?

Are we alone in thinking that the Secretary of State for Transport, Philip Hammond, bears some resemblance to Christopher Lee's portrayal of Count Dracula ?

Please see www.dft.gov.uk/press/ministers/philiphammond

Or might this just arise from our intuition that some unappetising road schemes may be resurrected ?

Either way, as we hot seated this morning - Janet in Rocco's place - yesterday's sense of satirical void was replaced by a feeling that we are due for a spell of gothic satire well suited to the witching season !

THE SAD STORY OF BEAUTY & THE BEAST

With the Season of Saturnalia just around the corner, the time has come for "The New Politics" to receive some satirical treatment, were it not already the case that some aspects of these are "Beyond Satire" !

Take "The Story of Beauty and the Beast", as we shall call it. ""The Beast" - aka Lib-Dem MP John Hemming who also has a very informative blog @ http://johnhemming.blogspot.com/ - is a self-confessed serial adulterer, whose wife recently stole a kitten, called Beauty, from the home of a (? former) mistress with whom he has a child*

Reference to the old story of "Beauty and the Beast" seems particularly appropriate here because the tale is, in fact, rather a sad one. Mr Hemming's wife has been charged with theft and the poor kitten is, it seems, still lost and much missed by his child and the little cat's brother. I can feel the tears welling up even as I write this !

So would the Coalition Government please dish up a good old-fashioned scandal, of the kind to which we became accustomed under the Conservative premiership of John Major, such as his own affair with Edwina Currie.

*A lovely photo of Beauty and her brother Twinkle appears in Mr Hemming's post of 21 October.

Eruption in Iceland to decide UK Election ?

Internet search engines threw up a satirical news site called The Spoof - http://www.thespoof.com/ - the other day, when we looked for an update on the consequences for air travel following the dispersal of an ash plume from the eruption of a volcano in Iceland .

Political relations between Iceland and the United Kingdom have not been too warm since the British Government froze the assets of Icelandic Banks, deploying anti-terror laws in the process.

Anyone familiar with the Old Icelandic Sagas will know that gods of the North do not take kindly to human provocation, especially when this comes from an Anglo-Saxon kingdom and source of historical enmity: some may remember the so-called "Cod War".

Iceland's volcanic eruption, co-inciding as it does with the UK General Election, is a reminder of our ancient European heritage. The gods of the North may yet overturn political process in Britain, providing a long-awaited government of national unity perhaps.

CAFE ROCCO NOW OPEN FOR BUSINESS

Following Craft's announcement last week that their Cadbury brand is to have a national coffee shop chain - some may remember the Lyons Tea Houses - we would like to inform readers that Cafe Rocco is now open for business at http://www.caferocco.com/

The new website has a welcoming feline image, which is just as well because the images have mysteriously disappeared from our previous posts.

Portentous events this week - notably the grounding of aircraft across the UK and Northern Europe following the eruption of an Icelandic volcano and a plume of ash moving through the upper atmosphere - remind us of the strange cosmic event which concluded our first creative enterprise in 2006, "The Court of the Red Tsar".

In this, Britain is mysteriously plunged back into the middle years of the 20th century and a time when Lyons Tea Houses provide sustenance on the High Street. At the stylish Cafe Rocco, we look forward to more post-election retro-kitsch !

BRING ON BREMNER BIRD & FORTUNE !

Like many fans of satirical comedy, Janet and Rocco are longing for the return of Channel 4's Bremner, Bird and Fortune show. The appearance of The Three Tenors - whoops The Three Chancellors* ! - the other day just didn't provide an alternative, if that is what Channel 4 had intended.

* Chancellor of the Exchequer Alistair Darling, Shadow Chancellor George Osborne, and Liberal Democrat Treasury Spokesman Vince Cable : all singing much in the same tenor.

PS. We enjoyed Rory Bremner's all too short "International Satirists" series on BBC Radio 4 - more of the same please !

Interlude - The Value of a Classical Education

Some readers may have been following the case of a financier being sued for £4 million for sexual discrimination, by former employee Jordan Wimmer.

The gentleman in question, Mr Mark Lowe of Nomos Capital, sent a lewd email to another female employee - a friend of Ms Wimmer - quoting the Latin poet Catallus (showing some resemblance to Mr Lowe in this modern representation).

The financier maintained that the email was sent as a joke, which could not cause offense because the recipient did not understand Latin.

However, it will be interesting to see who has the last laugh as Ms Wimmer has recently filed a further case against Mr Lowe and Nomos Capital.